the radio, the work, and the things they bury in the basement.

•December 21, 2011 • 2 Comments

The thing about NPR is that I can learn stuff I never knew I wanted to learn.  The other day I heard an interview with the guy who has been the man behind the muppet Elmo since 1980 something.  He had always dreamed of being a puppeteer, even as a small boy.  He also had no real idea about the Tickle Me Elmo doll until he bought one in the store.

The next day I learned about some of the history of Ballet.  It was also enthralling.

Here’s the thing about NPR-you can be mesmerized and engrossed in the report and by the next day you’ve forgotten most of the story but you’re ready to hear another one.

 

On another note:  I’ve found some handyman work for January.  It’s a previous customer, but more importantly the brother of a friend.  I’ll be spending the winter painting the trim and doors inside his massage studio.  There are also walls to clean.  I’ll also be spending a bunch of time nursing my OCD side in the basement where I will be organizing tools and whatnot.  It will be dusty.  I can’t express to you how much I’m looking forward to this.  Haha, my life is awesome.

search results

•December 20, 2011 • Leave a Comment

this blog doesn’t see much traffic.  but that’s ok, i took several several months off from posting, and i’m not sure why anyone would need to look into this thing very often anyway.

 

allow me to take you behind the velvet curtain for a moment.  one of the things that wordpress tells me as the blog owner is the things people search for that lead them here.  there are two searches that have popped up a couple of time.

 

1. UFC glasses.  of course UFC is mixed marshal arts fighting and someone might be looking for weight classes and accidently typing weight glasses instead.  that’s not a story to tell your momma about.

 

2. naked men in glasses.  this is the frightening one.  i hope that if you found this blog searching for naked men in glasses that you will leave a comment below.  we will not judge you nor will we speculate about who you are, we, the people who read this blog and know each other in person, will only comment about you at social occasions.  like a bar or party.  you always wanted to be famous, right?  here’s your chance.

Duct Tape, Jogging, Spears, & White Russians

•December 15, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I am not a man who generally enjoys theme parties.  Please don’t invite me to a pirate party or a terrible xmas sweater party.  I’ll come by, participate in the general atmosphere, laughing at the appropriate time and probably making other guests laugh at some point during the evening.  Why do we have to spend money on outfits to make this event happen?  We don’t.

That said I spent last Saturday night at an intellectually witty theme party.  I had my doubts but was generally stoked and had an excellent time.  The idea her was that we had to dress as something you would find above the 60 north parallel.  Get out your globe.  I borrowed part of a furry wolf costume and made a spear out a pole, a little cardboard, and some duct tape.  It was a hit and the party was a good time.  I had my first white russian and my first shot off of one of those ice shoots. Good times.

Earlier this week I went on a very slow jog with my dog.  We dodged ice and snow and I cursed people who hadn’t shoveled their sidewalk.  Toward the end of my slow jog I spotted a car.  It was parked and I came upon it from the rear.I don’t know if the duct tape was holding the trunk(with spoiler) down or it was holding the bumper up but either way I wished I had a camera phone with me.  It was well done.

the woman across the way.

•December 14, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Often when I’m sitting in my duplex I leave the front door open.  Joe Lon likes to look out the glass of the screen door, also it lets in a little more sunshine.  The woman across the way works at Wendy’s.  I don’t know which one.  I know this because I’ve seen empty cardboard boxes stacked in her car.  I’ve also seen her in her uniform, she must work the early shift, because she often gets home around noon.  Today she had a bag of food, a drink cup, and what I think must be some chili in her hand.  But what kills me is that she always has her apron on.  This is weird, right?

The apron is supposed to be where the yuck lands, the bits of tomato, the extra mustard, the gunk of raw burger.  Yet she wears it home.  Is she afraid of losing it or that one of the other Wendy’s people will steal her apron.  Maybe she’s got the good one.

Minnesota, Athens, Corbu, Those small swimming pools.

•June 22, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I was cleaning windows today for a nice guy who owns a carpet cleaning business.  There isn’t a worthwhile blog post in this experience but this man mentioned being from Minnesota and thus I remembered this story from my time with the Window King.

I spotted the house while it was being remodel, if you came up the side street you could see the back of the house and it was all windows.  I mentioned the house to the Window King and a few weeks later the builder called.

I’ve been trained that I shouldn’t really talk to the customers unless they start talking to me.  I was fine with this but at some point on this job the woman started talking to me.  I think we were walking around the outside of the house and she was just passing the time.  Her car had a Minnesota licence plate and she said something about working at the University of Minnesota and I said something about my friend Corbu being the voice of the women’s basketball team there.  Blah blah blah.  Then she asked me where I was from and I said Athens GA.

OK.  Athens is home to the University of Georgia, REM is from there, the Greek houses are huge.  Basically what I’m saying is that people go to Athens to have a good time.  And I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter where I go in the country I will always run into people with an Athens story.  I stand there and listen, blah blah blah,  “we love that place, i’ve been to the Varsity, i got so wasted the one weekend i was there” yadda yadda yadda.  But this woman had an Athens story and her’s is BY FAR the best I’ve ever heard.

Before I tell you her Athens story let me tell you that she and her husband bought this home because their daughter had come to college at Ole Miss and they loved having a second home where it didn’t snow.  She also had one of those small pools in the house that is only slightly bigger than a person and you can swim against the stream without going anywhere.  You get the idea.

So she tells me that years ago she and her husband were visiting some family in Athens and staying in a hotel downtown and one night while they were waiting to go to dinner they conceived they’re daughter in the hotel there.  I think she said something about how she couldn’t believe she was telling me this or how she shouldn’t be telling me this.  And I’m certain that she lowered the volume of her voice when she said it.

Six months later I saw her walk into my favorite bar with her daughter.  I wish facebook had been around back then because I would have friended her so that she could see this blog post.

dapper gentlemen.

•June 2, 2011 • 1 Comment

these were great people and not just because they were going to write me a good size check for cleaning their windows.  but check writing doesn’t hurt.

i showed up at 8am and wasn’t surprised when the man of the house followed me into the first room I was set to clean.  he had talked a bunch when i went by the week before and gave them an estimate.

i learned he was 85 and i would consider him both a sport and dapper.  he plays the organ in the living room and his wife plays the piano.  they do this at the same time and have been for 40 years.  this is sweet.  he also builds models or fighter planes because he flew a bomber in WWII and flew some single engine planes for fun when he got home.  he knew his wife before they dated and the day of their first date he buzzed her house a few times.  when he came to the door to take her out that night she asked if he was the guy in the plane earlier.  he said yes and she said if she wanted to date her he’d have to give it up.  later he found out that her brother had been a navy pilot and was killed in a plane.

now he builds really really intricate models, he showed some of them to me, and flies on simulator on the computer.  he had a joystick and talked about how real it was, or at least as close to real as he could get.

he said you could land a plane on the Hudson River just like that pilot did and saved a bunch of lives.  then he said that the first three times he tried to land on the river there were no survivors but now he’s figured it out.

did i mention he was 85 and even though i didn’t need the help he got down on his knees to help me move some of their couches.

it was a good day and not too hot. and there was a check.

you should really read the one below this one first and then scroll back up to this one and read it. and don’t be afraid to throw a guy a comment once in a while.

•June 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

last Sunday’s bike rally was not my first.

Boom Days is a rally held in Leadville Colorado.  I went to it about then years ago.  it was not on purpose, i was on the way to see Widespread Panic play in Aspen.

I’m not sure what all happened at Boom Days or what parts I saw but I did remember a contest where a woman rode on the back seat of a bike while a man drove.  a hotdog was attached to a string and dangled.  there may have been mustard but i don’t remember.  the man drove the bike down the street and the woman had to bite to wiener.  i don’t know what the contest was, maybe the dude had to drive faster each time or the dog was higher in the air.

this is what i mean about embracing the trashiness and the spectacle of the spectacle.

 
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